Being LGBTQ+ at New College

By Pearl, one of our Communications Student Ambassadors

I made up approximately one third of the LGBTQ+ community in my year at school. I never really felt like there was much of a community for me, and while I had long accepted my identity by the time I left school, I always longed for a community of people like me - something I'd heard other people describe. I didn't really know what to expect when coming to New College - I must admit I'd neglected to read the multiple prospectuses I'd been sent, so really I was going in blind. 

I arrived to find a surprisingly large group of queer people, all from different backgrounds and with different identities, who I pretty much felt an immediate connection with. Better yet, the people I'd met hosted regular event, meeting on Tuesday evenings (known as 'Tuesgays'), as well as picnics and various other events. I'd never met so many queer people before, and certainly never a group so organised. I quickly learned that the person responsible for organising these events was the New College JCR's LGBTQ+ Officer - I was stunned to learn that there was a person whose responsibility it was to plan events for the LGBTQ+ community and support its member, and pretty much immediately I realised that that was something I wanted to do (more on that later). 

I loved attending these events and went almost every week. Having started my degree in 2020, it would have been very easy to become rather isolated from everyone else, but having events to go to every week (albeit socially distanced ones) gave me something to look forward to, and a way to meet people when there weren't really many other opportunities to do so. What I love about the LGBTQ+ community at New College is more than just the people (although they're definitely some of the best people I've ever met!) - it's how welcoming and accepting they are. In the time I spent at these events, I don't think anyone ever asked me 'What I was' the whole time, which was really nice. I never felt any pressure to talk about my identity, and I never felt any judgement when I changed the labels I was using about three times in a year. Being LGBTQ+ was what brought us together, but it's definitely not the only thing that keeps us together now. 

First year had been so great for me as an LGBTQ+ person that I decided that I was going to run to be the LGBTQ+ Officer (admittedly with an incomplete understanding of what the role actually was!) I wrote my manifesto, 'husted' with two others, and, much to my surprise, won the vote. For the whole of my second ear, I was the LGBTQ+ Officer, and it was absolutely one of the highlights of my time at New College. Hosting the events I had loved so much in first year felt so rewarding, and I loved being able to continue the work of my predecessor, creating a welcoming and accepting space for the New College LGBTQ+ community, especially the freshers. To my surprise (and relief), these events did attract the first years, and I loved getting to know them, but also seeing them become better friends with each other during the time the spent at the events I hosted. 

However, I quickly learned that the role was a lot more than just hosting events for the JCR. It also involved dealing with incidents of homophobia and transphobia, such as deadnaming, misgendering, and general bigotry. There ended up being a lot I had to do to protect the 'safe space' of the LGBTQ+ community. When you spend so much time with likeminded people, it becomes easy to forget that there are people who are less accepting, and it can be a shock when you encounter them; it is a privilege to be able to forget, of course, and I know many people who are subject to a lot more bigotry that I have had to face. Dealing with these incidents really highlighted to me the importance of having a community of LGBTQ+ people to turn to for advice, comfort and solidarity, and made me so grateful to have found such a wonderful community of people like me, even when there are so many people out there who are still unaccepting of us. 

The time I spent as LGBTQ+ Officer was a lot of fun, so I was sad to have to pass on the role (although I couldn't have asked for a better successor). But the New College LGBTQ+ community is still a huge part of my life even as a third year. Every Tuesday I make the long walk from my flat in Cowley to the New College JCR and I get to speak to people who I'd probably never get the chance to talk to otherwise. The two hours I spend at 'gay drinks' on a Tuesday are definitely some of the best hours of my week - especially now that I'm a finalist! I already know I'm going to miss it once I've graduated - but the best part is that the friendships I've made as part of the LGBTQ+ community at New College will live on beyond these events, and it makes me happy seeing new queer people join the community each year, assuring me that it will live on and thrive long after I've left.